Normal Time

I can't walk out of my apartment and have a "normal time." I don't leave my apartment as often as I would like, but every time I do it is such an event. Take today for example. I woke up early (dressed as a lesbian librarian I realized later) and went to the library to read. After reading for probably about 15 minutes, the strangest alarm sounded. It sounded like someone pounding on a single key of a keyboard. Then we heard a speaker turn on and some mumbling. Then, "The emergency alarm has sounded. We are trying to figure out the cause." I looked around and all the librarians were putting on neon orange armbands that said "EVACUATION." So I went downstairs and the librarians were directing us, and screaming "Go out the emergency exits!" while making these stewardess type arms gestures. It was kind of like the Titanic. Also, it made me wonder if librarians have to sign a contract knowing that they are risking their lives being librarians. (I never found out what happened).

So I walked down the block to one of the busiest intersections in Montreal, where there are at least 30 Concordia students on every corner. Of course today happens to be the windiest day ever and of course this is the first time I haven't worn tights in a month. Of course my skirt flies over my head and at least 60 people see my ass. I haven't even been awake for an hour. 

Then I went to a cafe to read. I sat outside and this older man sat across from me. He stared at me, looked me up and down and tried to read over my shoulder. (I'm reading a book called Sex Matters). Then my mind started wandering to this older man, lesbian librarian University student porno, so I went inside. 

There I thought I had sat next to some quiet guy reading a newspaper. But of course not. Two other guys join him and it is apparently an interview for the first guy to become part of their small video game company. A really embarrassing one. I plug my ears and try to block them out but then they pull out a computer and start showing him their projects. These really stupid Anime characters (these guys are white Quebecors) and weird domestic scenes. Then they start talking about Pokemon and then I just realize that God doesn't want me to read. OK, God. 

This also reminds me of a similar two minute span of time a couple days ago. I hadn't left my house in at least 20 hours and went outside just to see what the weather was like. The second I walked out the door a giant white fluffball dog was blowing in the wind and heading straight towards my ankles and this tiny Polish woman shrieks and pulls it away. Then a lady asks me where the metro is (in French) and I respond to her (in French) and then I go to the dep to buy a large bottle of water and I end up following my landlord in where he is buying EXACTLY the same thing and buys it for me. Oh Santa landlord. These are all very minor things I guess, but I think everything is magnified 6000 fold in my mind. 

MAH MIND. 

Now I'm watching a commercial for Maple Leaf Farms where the head guy is saying "Please don't be scared of our meat!" So good. So Canadian.

I also just called my mom to tell her about my boy troubles and she goes "HOLD ON. Let me get my shadow cards and tell you what to do." So she hangs up on me. Then calls me back and goes "IT'S A SKELETON IN A PURPLE ROBE." Oh.

Also the cat has lipstick on its mouth. 

And there's still a dried up pickle next to my bed.